Which book is least likely to wear underwear on a regular basis?

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler,
as part of a whole signifying-practice-of-subversive-
repetition-to-deregulate-identity
kind of a thing.

If you slipped while carrying your lunch tray, spilling Johnny-Marzetti down your front , which book would unabashedly enjoy a laugh at your expense?

Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon

...and which book would graciously help lead you to the bathroom, reassuring you (through the room's laughter) that no one noticed?

The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster










The Collected Stories by Grace Paley

Which book is most destined to become your lesbian lover?

Damn! Have you read this? Even if you never realized you had any lesbian fantasies (like you're a gay man so it's hard enough to imagine being a woman, let alone wanting to have sex with another one), pick up Sula by Toni Morrison and I guarantee you'll be moving to Massachusetts where your union will be recognized. You two will live happily ever after with your cats and crewcuts.

Which book is most likely to be that crazy uncle who constantly walks around, demanding, "pull my finger"?

If there's a book that, as it ages, grows more fond of cheap fart jokes, nudie mags, and Natty Light, I imagine it to be The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman by Laurence Sterne. Always a source of entertainment at any family picnic.

Which book would you have been most likely to kick in the balls when you were in grade school together?

Come on. We all know it's true: there's nothing that says "I deserve sharp pain in my privates" better than a book by Ernest Hemingway.

Which book would you have the best sex with?

What's that one book that could give you everything you want sexually? That would know where to touch you, when, and for how long? That would know when to kiss you hard, when to make you laugh, when to tease you and when to give in? My money is on the following.







The Book of Repulsive Women by Djuna Barnes











Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair by Pablo Neruda









Trout Fishing in America by Richard Brautigan

If you were a book, which book would you be?

Which book most embodies you? If all books were being destroyed and you had to memorize the one(s) most worth saving, which one(s) would you memorize? Which book do you most wish you could be (even though you aren't clever or pretty or kind enough to be that book)? Here are some of my top candidates.






The Dhammapada: The Sayings of the Buddha











Of Grammatology by Jacques Derrida










When I was feeling especially silly:
Tender Buttons by Gertrude Stein









When I was feeling especially sexy:
The Pleasure of the Text by Roland Barthes










The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath











Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh